Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize