Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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