you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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