We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
