Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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