i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
