Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
