I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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