i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
