She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
