My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
