So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
there is glitter all over my balls
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