She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
