There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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