need another drink. this is the easiest way
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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