yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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