I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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