I smell stomach acid.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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