I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
