why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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