I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
