JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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