Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
