please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize