i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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