I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
