period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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