Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
