whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
