At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
