Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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