Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
