He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
