got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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