what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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