True but thats because hes a fetus.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
