I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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