Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
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He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good