Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
