We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
