the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
