he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
