Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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