nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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