Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
