1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
