Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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