i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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