PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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