im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
