obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
