if you like me you must not know who I am
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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