its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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