tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
