So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
