on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
