If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
