you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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