Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
