I'm really into asian looking animals
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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