Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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