Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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