He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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