Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
