So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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