I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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