I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Help. Why am I so naked?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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