I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
