If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
