I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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