Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
