Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
