In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
