watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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