Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
